1 Samuel 20-21 / Proverbs 15:1-29 “When Friendships are Tested”

READ: 1 Samuel 20-21 / Proverbs 15:1-29

Verse chosen for meditation: 1 Samuel 20:32-34

³² Then Jonathan answered Saul his father, “Why should he be put to death? What has he done?” ³³ But Saul hurled his spear at him to strike him. So Jonathan knew that his father was determined to put David to death. ³⁴ And Jonathan rose from the table in fierce anger and ate no food the second day of the month, for he was grieved for David, because his father had disgraced him.

REFLECT

In this chapter, David felt death’s door was near, trying to convince his good friend Jonathan that his father will not stop till he’s dead. Jonathan seemed caught in between and reserved the possibility that King Saul was not as unhinged as David made him out to be. David then proposed a plan to reveal Saul’s true intent, which involved himself missing a feast he was expected to attend. Jonathan promised disclosure to David, helping him escape if he discerned evil intent from his father.

During the feast, Saul’s crazy reaction broke Jonathan’s heart, confirming that David’s words were true. Jonathan, without regard for his own safety, defended David. Saul’s groundless hatred towards David was so strong that he would kill even his own son for siding with David.

RELATE

The exchange between two good friends (1 Samuel 20:1-17) and how Jonathan defended David remind us that true friendships face tests. When stakes are high like in this case, the strength of a relationship is revealed. David and Jonathan’s friendship survived, built on their love for each other. Below discusses several hallmarks of such a friendship.

1) Honesty about fears and anxieties

Honest conversations do not need to destroy a relationship. In fact, it’s necessary for a healthy relationship. David poured out his fears and anxieties to Jonathan. Part of this fear was whether Jonathan sided with him, and the risk that Jonathan could betray him. This matter involving Jonathan’s father could derail their friendship, but the two friends talked it out and came away stronger in their bond.

Many friendships today don’t end with big quarrels, but die a slow natural death, due to unresolved issues and lack of closure. A common sign is when friends slowly drift apart, sometimes not aware of the exact reason. It may spring from difference in views, and not communicating makes it fester, playing on each other’s minds. There is the fear that talking may lead to a bad turn in the friendship, but the irony is that not talking often leads exactly to that. Friendships that do not survive differences are not healthy and do not last. If friends do not dare to be honest about their feelings with one another or get easily offended by such conversations, the friendship will always be superficial.

2) Listening to wisdom and rebuke, instead of only things you like to hear

I’m seeing increasing examples of people tending towards those who only say things they like to hear, and staying away from people who say otherwise. Though this did not happen between David and Jonathan, we see an example between Saul and Jonathan. Saul, being irrational, was not listening to the facts pointed out by Jonathan. Most dare not defy kings. It was likely that Saul’s subjects were saying things he wanted to hear, feeding his hatred for David. For those who disagreed, they wouldn’t dare tell Saul for fear of incurring his wrath. However, Jonathan rebuked his father, not only for David, but for the sake of Saul. Sadly, Saul was having none of it.

I had this harsh, but caring boss. Pity his brand of hard teaching (exchange for fast growth) wasn’t well received. Many colleagues preferred other bosses, who said only nice things to them, inflating their ego. However, during talks with management where workers were ranked, the harsh boss honoured and defended the very people he rebuked, whereas the “nice” bosses put down unfairly the very people they sweet-talked to. The harsh boss’ methods were not ideal, but the pride of the workers who focussed more on their embarrassment rather than reflecting on their faults, made them blind towards the care shown through harsh, but wise words.

In a deceptive world, people who are nice doesn’t mean they care. Conversely, those who rebuke us may be the ones who truly care, because they say what’s necessary before we get worse, when others can’t be bothered. There are some who just want to exert dominance by rebuking us, but identify those who do so in love, and hang on to them! It's also not easy for our friends, when they know having such conversations may risk the friendship, if we react badly.  

3) Loyalty to friends, even at the expense of self

Sometimes, staying true to our friends may cost us. Jonathan jeopardised his relationship with Saul by standing up for David and righteousness. When he disclosed Saul’s intent to David (1 Samuel 20:35-41), it was considered treason. Jonathan sacrificed much to be loyal.

Can we at least be loyal by defending the honour of people when we hear ungrounded things about them? There may be injustice in something said about someone, yet we may choose to stay quiet, especially if it’s an unpopular opinion. The fear may be losing our own popularity by standing up to others, and we are not willing to suffer that cost. We then think of the rejection Jesus went through to save us.

The friendship between David and Jonathan was precious, shown by their heart-wrenching weeping when forced to depart. Today, we are fortunate not to face such circumstances, so let’s cherish our relationships and mend broken ones if possible.

REST

Father, thank you for the many relationships we have, with their ups and downs enriching and growing us. May we keep you at the centre of these relationships, exhibiting your Godly love in them. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Chris Chong