Ruth 3 / Proverb 1:8-33 “Dating, Marriage and In-laws”

READ: Ruth 3 / Proverb 1:8-33

Verse chosen for meditation: Ruth 3:1-4

¹ Then Naomi her mother-in-law said to her, “My daughter, should I not seek rest for you, that it may be well with you? ² Is not Boaz our relative, with whose young women you were? See, he is winnowing barley tonight at the threshing floor. ³ Wash therefore and anoint yourself, and put on your cloak and go down to the threshing floor, but do not make yourself known to the man until he has finished eating and drinking. ⁴ But when he lies down, observe the place where he lies. Then go and uncover his feet and lie down, and he will tell you what to do.”

REFLECT

This chapter is easily the most confusing and difficult to understand. Is Naomi teaching Ruth seduction tactics? How should Boaz interpret Ruth’s actions? Is she throwing herself at him? Are we meant to learn something about arranging marriages?

Without an understanding of cultural context, Naomi could easily be seen as instigating Ruth to lock Boaz into marriage via sexual favours. However, a closer study would reveal not only that Naomi and Ruth were not immoral, but they had great love and faith, consistent with their virtuous character throughout the book.

First, we see Naomi’s motive in v1, which was to “seek rest” for Ruth. This “rest” is the same Hebrew word used in Ruth 1:9, where Naomi urged her daughters-in-law to return to their hometown, get new husbands rather than follow her into the unknown to suffer. This love for Ruth was heart-warming, considering it was during a time where daughters, much less in-laws were commonly viewed as tools to continue the family line. Naomi did not want Ruth to marry Boaz so that the Elimelech (Naomi’s husband) line could continue, but because Ruth would find safety by breaking out of widowhood, being recognised as someone’s wife.

One can argue that even if motives were pure, the means were impure. In v2, Naomi reminded that Boaz was a “kinsman redeemer”. It’s customary that the nearest relative or kinsman redeem the land through marriage (land that Elimelech owned, but Naomi might have sold out of poverty). Naomi was asking Ruth to invoke this right, yet not in a forceful way. She had to first wash herself, put on perfume and her dress. This could be Naomi instructing Ruth to end her period of mourning over her widowhood and move on as she might have been wearing garments of widowhood. Seeing how Boaz was an upright man, even if he was attracted to Ruth, he would have respected her mourning over her dead husband and not make advances. About the uncovering of Boaz’s feet, this may look like seduction, but during that day’s culture, it was an action to indicate total submission. Furthermore, Naomi’s instruction was to leave the rest to Boaz, not go all over him. The intent was for Ruth to send a message, hope that Boaz gets it and wait for his response.

If we read on, Boaz’s reaction was amazing. Once he had gotten the “marry me” message, he was on board with it, but in his integrity, revealed that there was a nearer kinsman, so he had to do things right, in God’s eyes. He did not shame Ruth or take advantage of her submissive actions, but left her with dignity, honouring her and asking her to wait while he settled things responsibly as a man.      

RELATE

The deep love between in-laws was rare, especially in the time of Judges. We read of Naomi’s love for Ruth, to the point she prioritised Ruth’s safety over her need for companionship. Ruth’s loyalty to Naomi was rare too, following Naomi to a land where she might be treated as an outcast, rather than taking the logical, comfortable route of returning to Moab. Today, unfortunately, we hear more stories about troubles with in-laws than love amongst in-laws. Let’s not even mention in-laws, we hear also of young couples treating marriage as a way to get away from their own parents. Using Naomi and Ruth as inspiration, I’m working hard to fulfil the words I spoke to my mother-in-law on my wedding day, that she did not lose a daughter, but gained a son instead.

Then there are the interactions between Ruth and Boaz. They spent much time together previously in the fields. Not alone, but in groups with others present. Through those times, they found out about each other’s character, which led to their liking for each other. The dating culture of today focuses on spending time alone with someone to know them better. Is that the best way to tell the goodness of a person? Surely the other party would treat you well since he/she is chasing you. Someone wisely told me that she would observe how the person whom she likes treats his friends, family and strangers.

Then there’s Boaz, a model for good husband material. I hear men quoting Ephesians playfully, on how wives should submit to husbands. Though in jest, how many men actually expect one-sided submission from their wives, but themselves not reciprocating with the appropriate level of leadership and love? Ruth was displaying the kind of submission many men dream of, but Boaz responded with God-like care and respect. This made Ruth more willing to put her fate in his hands, a person worth submitting to.

Beyond dating, marriage, and in-laws, the bigger lesson is Naomi and Ruth’s display of faith. What a huge gamble both women took! The gamble was based on a faith backed by recognising how God had led them to Boaz and trust in Boaz’s character.

The even bigger lesson is God’s hand in all this. We don’t read of God’s direct intervention, but all the jigsaw pieces coming together are divine. Naomi returning. Ruth clinging to Naomi. Ruth just “happened to come to the part” of Boaz’s field (Ruth 2:3). A holy man like Boaz existing in the immoral period of Judges. Naomi’s scheme which should not have worked. Also, Ruth not having a child when married to Mahlon for 10 years, yet having a child immediately with Boaz. It was said that “the Lord gave her conception” (Ruth 4:13). All had signs of God’s involvement and the book of Ruth is about God engineering even small personal experiences like these to accomplish His grand agenda (leading to the line of David, which led to Jesus).

REST

God, thank you for your hand in our lives. I rest assured knowing you are in control. Help me to then obey and trust in your steering, to achieve your grand purposes. Amen.

Chris Chong