Song of Songs 6:4-8:14 “Loving Can Hurt”

READ: Song of Songs 6:4-8:14  

Verses chosen for meditation: Song of Songs 8:4

⁴ I adjure you, O daughters of Jerusalem,

    that you not stir up or awaken love

    until it pleases.

REFLECT

As we conclude Song of Songs, some of us may still be bewildered by the inclusion of ancient love poetry in the Bible. With all its interpretations, what’s largely agreed is that love is a gift from God, meant for us to enjoy, and its racy expressions approved within marriage. It reminds us of what being human means. However, if we do not enjoy this gift under God’s intended premise, it could bring us a world of hurt. This reminds us of lyrics from Ed Sheeren’s song, “Photograph”: “Loving can hurt … but it's the only thing that makes us feel alive.”

In the last chapter, we see that love can be life-giving, but can also be a dangerous thing when abused (Song of Songs 8:6-7). As it can hurt like flashes of fire, love is not something to be trifled with and must be taken seriously, with necessary discipline to contain its potentially wild passions. This was partly why the bride warns her friends not to stir up or awaken love until it pleases in v4. This warning appeared 3 times in this book.

Some view this verse as advise for girls not to pursue too eagerly, but wait for the ones they love to be ready for them. Others view this as a warning about purity, to save their chastity for their true love, a person worth the wait. The last part of the verse also hints at a proper timing of love. We neither rush it, nor leave it late. There is an aspect of trusting God with that timing, in order not to miss out the sweetest love God has planned for you. This sweetest love, as some may discover, could even be singlehood, though that admittedly is hard to stomach.

All the above are good reminders to control our urges, not because they are bad, but to save them for a time when they can be fully met, with the experience sweeter, more fulfilled, and without regrets. Most importantly, with God’s approval.

RELATE

We are living in times where conversations about love and sex should not be avoided. That said, we should discuss these at appropriate times, when the hearers are of appropriate ages. This age seems to decrease with time, as children grow up faster with early (and sometimes excessive) exposure and what they find on the net. Like it or not, we are plunged into a situation where we either start conversing about certain issues, or run the risk of our young learning from unhealthy places.

In school, I’ve often been tasked to conduct such talks or hold focussed group discussions with students on topics of romance and sexuality. Students shared much about their experiences and views (some very Americanised), and also their parents’ views (some very liberal). Before that season, I’ve listened to many stories of hurts and regrets when it comes to love, from my army men to university friends.

Even with such a diverse range of stories, one can still find a common theme, when it comes to how love destroys. Here are some actual lines (not exaggerated) from some stories:

-   “My life destroyed never mind. I’ve destroyed her life too! I can’t even take care of her and the baby!” (Sobbing young NSF guy about to face jail time after impregnating his underage girlfriend)

-   “If there was no physical touch, there was nothing else to look forward to. I don’t know when it became like this, just physical, and nothing else! It’s so empty.” (Uni friend who regretted starting his relationship so physical, and broke up because of it)

-   “I thought I could deal with it. Having no strings attached. I didn’t expect to be so emotionally invested. I’m starting to understand why some things are best reserved for marriage.” (Ex-student who underestimated the powerful connection between emotional and sexual intimacy. He was wrecked by the sexual experience and learnt how such an experience is meant only for one you’re committed with for life.)

-   “I fully regret my past choices. I want to tell her but I’m afraid. It’s killing me! When I think of how good she is, the more I feel undeserved of her. I couldn’t face her.” (Adult friend who could not proceed with marriage with someone he loved deeply, because of his promiscuous history. Even if she could accept, he himself could not.)

Above are realisations of how they should have waited, and not stir up untimely passions. Because they did not do so, what was supposed to be a beautiful thing for them, ended up being pain.

In those talks with my students, I spoke about the sacredness of marriage. I remembered responding to a student’s remark: If sex before marriage is a thing, then the marriage cert hardly holds value. It’s not sacred anymore. Why get married? Sex is a huge aspect of marriage. That’s also what makes it more beautiful. If you have sexual intimacy before marriage, marriage won’t be sacred and special to you, because whatever’s special that’s reserved for marriage, you did it already. That’s why divorce rates skyrocketed.

Love is God’s gift, with some it’s expressions sacred and reserved only under certain premises. Going against that design would only hurt us and cause regret.

REST

Just like in our love lives, our lack of control and premature succumbing to our desires also affects our relationship with God. That is why God takes sin so seriously, because it separates us from Him. When we hurt our lovers on earth, they may leave us and that’s fair justice. But for God, even when we hurt Him so much, He never forsakes us, and that’s grace. Let us not take that grace for granted, and rest in that truth.

Chris Chong